Stages of Marriage

MAKE LOVE WORK IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Many couples do not know what to expect in marriage because they have no idea what is coming next. They feel a sense of panic, or even doom, when the relationship shifts or changes. By understanding the stages of marriage, and setting their goal on the final stage, couples can work through the difficult stages and find fulfillment and joy in each other.

The stages of marriage:

* Romantic Love Stage. This stage is highly emotional and full of positive projections. You want to see your partner all the time, and see him/her as the answer to all your problems. Your "chosen one" can do no wrong. This stage is delusional.

* Power Struggle Stage. When the interaction becomes more routine, partners see that true love has a negative side. You feel that your mate is intentionally not meeting your needs and arguments arise over toothpaste, budgets, and how many times you made love in the last month. Your reactivity is high during this period and a lot of hurtful things are said that do little to build up the relationship. Every issue becomes a power struggle. Too many couples stay in this stage for years.

* Awakening Stage. This is when spouses come to know each other for who they really are. Instead of placing blame, you see the part you play in the marital problems. You honestly evaluate yourself and your behaviors. This can be a scary stage for couples. It seems like it gets worse before it gets better. Honestly evaluating yourself, and your mate, can cause discomfort, anxiety, and even fear.

* Transformation Stage. This is the stage when souls begin to shift. Couples choose to use certain skills and tools to aid them in better marital interaction. New ideas are formed about your spouse that are realistic and benevolent. You stop pursuing other distractions to your marriage, and want the best for your spouse and the marriage.

* Reality Love Stage. This is the stage that makes all the struggles worthwhile. Couples have knowledge, acceptance, appreciation, and gratitude for each other. You create a safe environment for mutual sharing as you give your spouse unconditional love.

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Beverly and Tom Rodgers founded Rodgers Christian

Counseling and work with individuals, couples, and

families in Charlotte, N.C. Both are members of the

American Congress of Christian Counselors and are

certified as Imago Therapist. Beverly received her

master's degree in counseling from Northern Illinois

University and Tom received masters' degrees from

Azusa Pacific University and the University of North

Carolina.

From Soul-Healing Love by Beverly and Tom Rodgers.

San Jose, Calif., 1-888-273-7782. Used by permission.