The heart itself is only a small vessel,
yet dragons are there, and lions,
there are poisonous beasts, and all the treasures of evil,
there are rough and uneven roads,
there are precipes;
but there too is God and the angels,
life is there, and the Kingdom,
there too is light, and there the apostles
and heavenly cities, and treasures of grace.
All things lie within that little space.
~ Makarios the Great
It had been a great day. The house was tidy. The dinner was
Crock-Potting away, filling the house with delicious smells. The kids had
completed their schoolwork and were now happily playing outside. My husband
called from out of town to let me know he was having a great time, and I
bragged about how well everyone was doing here on the home front. Now I had
a few minutes to steal away and read. I picked up my book, settled on the
couch, and smiled.
Three sentences into the first page, my great day started
going south. The happy little people playing in the yard came thundering
into the house, having turned into grumpy, hot, messy creatures intent on
wreaking havoc in my sanctuary. "Mom, my straw busted through the bottom of
my drink," one cried as carried the dripping cup through the living room,
through the kitchen, and parked in front of me on the den carpet. I jumped
from the couch, grabbed the drink, and turned to find another creature
standing behind me, her new church outfit covered mud. Then started the
whining in the kitchen from one staring down at the Crock-Pot. "Why can’t we
be like normal families and eat out at restaurants? We always eat at home."
With all my might I wanted to give a June Cleaver sweet
answer that included the words "That’s all right, dear, and it would be
swell to eat out sometime." But I couldn’t find her inside me. I gritted my
teeth and said, "Sweetheart," (don’t you love how this word takes on a
completely different meaning when spoken through gritted teeth?) "did it
ever cross your mind to leave the dripping cup outside instead of carrying
the sticky, orange, carpet-staining juice throughout the house?"
I then turned to mud girl. "Why are we wearing our nice
clothes to play outside?" I shook my head in disbelief while thinking, We
have drawers full of play clothes that have seen better days. But to play in
the mud, of course only church clothes will do.
And to the Crock-Pot complainer who couldn’t have picked a
worse time, I wanted to go into a long diatribe about what it took to go to
the store, buy the food, bring it home, unload it, and prepare it. But I was
up to my elbows in mud and orange juice, so I fired off a quick answer about
the expense of going out to eat and how he should be more grateful. I gave
up on the book reading and with a frustrated huff finished cleaning and
called everyone to an early dinner.
That didn’t go as I would have liked either, and by the end
of the meal I’d had enough. I stood up at the end of the table, cleared my
throat in a very dramatic fashion, and announced it was time for everyone to
go to bed. "But it’s still light outside," they protested. I had no idea
what time the clock said, and frankly I didn’t care. Bedtime was going to
rescue me, and I was a woman on a mission. To add even more drama to my
announcement, I concluded by saying that after they got ready for bed they
should go sit on their beds and moan…for the Bible says that the Holy Spirit
will lift up prayers on our behalf if all we can do is moan. "So the Holy
Spirit will be tucking you into bed tonight. I am done!"
I turned, grabbed the book I never got to read, and marched
off to my bedroom. Mommy was putting herself in a time-out.
I plopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Did I
just tell my kids that the Holy Spirit would be tucking them into bed? What
kind of mother does that? A tired, exhausted, empty one, I answered
myself. One who had not turned her emotions over to the Lord today. One who
had not taken time before rushing into her day to ask the Lord to be her
portion and to give her His perspective throughout the day. One who hadn’t
taken time to pray.
I pushed the book I’d been waiting to read all afternoon
aside and reached for my Bible.
Because of the LORD’S great love we are not consumed, for
his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your
faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will
wait for him" (Lamentations 3:22-24, emphasis added).
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of
my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:26, emphasis added).
Even Jesus, the Savior of the world, had to take time each
day to ask for His portion. When He taught us to pray in Matthew 6, He
taught us to ask for our portion. Matthew 6:11 says, "Give us today our
daily bread."
Do you remember when the children of Israel were wandering
in the desert waiting to be delivered to the Promise Land? God rained down
manna, small flakes of food from heaven, just enough for each day. He didn’t
allow them to gather storehouses full of manna because He wanted to be their
daily portion. He wanted them to come to Him each day and recognize their
need for Him. He delighted in them asking, and He delighted in providing for
them every time they asked. That’s how they grew from seeing God as a
religious being to having a real relationship with Him.
That’s how we grow as well. The reality is that we will all
have days where our attitude is not what it should be. We all fall short.
Now, maybe you’ve never fallen as short as me, the woman who relied on the
Holy Spirit to tuck her kids into bed! But there are areas in which you will
have to rely on God and His provision.
As moms it is so easy to let our emotions run wild and
operate based on how we feel. If we feel happy, we can be patient. But if
our stress level rises, it is easy to let our patience slip and snap at
those we love most. If we feel organized, we can be stable. But if things
start getting misplaced and disheveled, it is easy to feel angry and fly off
the handle. This roller coaster of emotions is hard on mom and family.
I’ve found the only stabilizing force when I feel my
emotions running away is the Lord. Praying these "portion" Scriptures and
asking God to be my portion is a daily discipline. I can’t just will myself
to be in a good mood and act godly; I have to rely on God’s strength, power,
control, and provision.
Spend some time today asking yourself if you are in control
of your emotions or letting your emotions control you. Whatever your
shortcoming, God is waiting for you to ask for His portion every day and He
will provide. When we allow Him to reign in us, His portion will rain on us.
Refresh My Soul
Read Psalm 4.
This is a psalm of hope. David writes of God’s protection,
peace, and provision. He knows that God will keep him safe and grant him
what he needs. His trust is in God.
I especially like verse 4, when David talks about sitting on
our beds and being silent. How I wish I could have read that verse before I
said what I said! My kids have for sure heard me say some things when I
should have kept silent, as this verse recommends. Are there times in your
life when you wish you had stayed silent? Are there things you regret saying
to your kids or your husband?
Our words are powerful. Indeed, the tongue is the strongest
muscle in the body. How we use that muscle makes all the difference. James
3:5 says, "The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great
boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."
Read Psalm 34:13; 39:1; Proverbs 10:19; 21:23.
How can we, as moms, watch our words and train our tongues?
Our words can be used to build up or tear down. We can speak words of
encouragement or we can speak words of destruction. We can think before we
speak or we can react without thinking about the effect of our words. These
are choices we make every time we open our mouths. Sitting on my bed and
being silent is sounding better and better!
Here are some good and bad ways we use our words:
