Adultery: Where It Begins
Ron Mehl

You shall not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14).
We didn't like commands as children and don't much like them as adults,
either. If God says, "Don't commit adultery", we question His authority,
wisdom, and consequences. Then we try to qualify our disobedience to the
circumstances or intent. Either way, God says, "Don't commit adultery."
Where adultery begins:

In your imagination. You have heard that it was said to those of old,
You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a
woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his
heart (Matt. 5:27-28). Adultery begins in the mind long before it occurs
in real life. What are you thinking about? Have you failed the Lord in
the area of mental adultery?

With conflicts. Every relationship has conflicts. If couples don't
address those conflicts, they will find themselves becoming
disillusioned and drawing apart. Couples need to clearly communicate
their needs and wants with each other and resolve to dealing with
conflict as it occurs. Husbands and wives must learn to settle their own
problems and not gossip, complain, or seek comfort with someone other
than their mate.

With immaturity and irresponsibility. Too many people enter into
marriage looking for someone to serve them, rather than someone to
serve. They want passion over commitment. Genuine love is not a feeling
- but a decision to keep loving even when you don't feel like it because
you care deeply for the person you are married to and are committed to
the relationship.

With inaccurate models. Anyone watching TV sees romance, excitement,
fulfillment, and even music and candlelight. They think, My marriage is
so dull. So unromantic. Maybe I need to find someone else who can give
me this. What you see on TV or the movies is not real. What is happening
in your own home is the real thing. That is where goals and solutions
must be made.

Expectations. Your mate cannot satisfy you - only God is the satisfier
who can fill the vacuum in a human heart. Don't put unfair expectations
on your spouse.

Lack of nurture. Don't deprive your mate of the love and affection -
both emotional and physical - that you promised at the altar. Realize
that the greatest need in life is to serve people beginning with your
spouse and family.

If you've already failed: probably all marrieds have failed by allowing an
impure, adulterous thought to linger in the mind. But God does not want
you to be a failure at your marriage. He offers a way to recommit and
rebuild your marriage.

Confess your sin to God. Agree with God that He is right in what He says
about your sin.

Repent. Change your course. Confession without changing your behavior is
meaningless.

Accept God's forgiveness. Depend on His strength to help you stay your
course.

End the adulterous relationship you are in now! Not a week from now, or
even tomorrow. The only way to end it is to END it. No more
conversations, phone calls, or meetings.

Thank God - for His restoration and resurrection power to mend and build
your marriage.

Recommit to your spouse. A good marriage takes work, and a difficult
marriage takes even more work. Start working at it today.

Excerpted from The Ten(der) Commandments (c) 1998 by Ron Mehl.