A Missing Ingredient in Most Marriages
Barry R. Leventhal, Ph.D.
Two Becoming One


Here’s a riddle for you: It is one of the first ingredients to disappear
in a marriage and while most married couples readily admit that it should
be one of life’s top priorities, they also confess that they just cannot
seem to squeeze it into their daily schedules. What is this missing
ingredient in most marriages? Prayer. Prayer is the lifeline that keeps a
married couple personally in touch with the God of heaven and earth. A
marriage cannot survive without personal fellowship with the living God
and drawing from His inexhaustible wisdom and resources.

Why Couples Don’t Pray

Why is it that most married couples find it so hard to pray? There are
four reasons:
1. Couples may not sense their need for prayer. Early on in most
marriages things seem to go so well that we often don’t sense our
personal need for God. Therefore, the lifeline of prayer is ignored. But
life has a way of tweaking this unrealistic view. For as we move onward
in our marital journey and life throws enough curves and trials at us,
we are ever reminded that we are truly a needy people.

2. Couples sometimes feel like they really don’t know how to pray. It
is, therefore, somewhat embarrassing to pray in front of one’s mate.
“I’ll sound stupid.” “My mate will think that I am trying to act
superspiritual.” The solution for inexperienced prayer couples is to
hang out with some older prayer warriors, just to listen and enjoy their
prayers, as well as to silently enter into the chorus of prayer. And
then try a few short prayers to God on your own – nothing lengthy or
fancy – something like, “Dear Father, we need you in our marriage today.
Thanks. In Jesus’ name.”

3. Couples think they need a lengthy quiet time to really meet with God.
But this is not so. Maybe later in a maturing marriage a couple may feel
the need to schedule in periods of extended prayer. But when starting
out on the journey of prayer, brief but significant prayer times are
more important than no prayer times at all.

4. Some spouses find it hard to pray because they may feel like a
“spiritual midget” next to their mate. “After all, she has been a
growing Christian so much longer than me. There is no way that I could
ever pray like her.” The solution to this dilemma is for the more
experienced prayer partner to leave some room for the less experienced
partner and to encourage prayer times that include both spouses, prayer
times that are short, real, and to the point. All of us can grow in our
personal prayer times with God. As someone has once said, “The problems
of prayer yield to the practice of prayer.”

The Nature of Prayer

What is prayer and how does it work? Prayer is simply talking to the Lord.
It is a response to God’s invitation to come into His presence for
fellowship, instruction, and encouragement. As we grow in our journey of
prayer, we will discover that there are several aspects to prayer. Someone
has coined the acrostic ACTS to lay out the basic elements of prayer:
A - Adoration
C - Confession
T - Thanksgiving
S - Supplication (Petition)

And while it is not necessary to include each of these elements each and
every time that we pray as a couple, ACTS is a helpful guide for beginning
prayer couples.

In light of the absolute necessity of prayer for a growing marriage,
prayerfully consider the following suggestions:
• Begin by praying before every meal. Grace lifted up to God before a
meal has always been a Christian tradition. Keep this tradition in a
brief, real, and sincere way. Take turns as a couple.

• Always close your prayers “in Jesus’ name.” Jesus taught us to pray in
His name and authority (see John 14:12-14; 15:15-16; 16:22-26). Our
prayers are always to be centered on Him and on the basis of His name.

• Try to set up a short but real time to pray as a couple on a regular
basis. Don’t forget the ACTS procedure. Short and regular is better than
long and irregular.

• Try keeping a prayer journal. Record your requests to God and then
when and how He answers them. Seeing God’s personal hand in your
marriage can become a true source of strength.